Strange bedfellows

Dude, I must have been wasted Saturday night. I totally don't remember bringing anyone home with me, but Sunday morning I had company in bed. And by the looks of things, it must have been a wild night because someone bit off part of his tail. He's a little short for me, but I can look past that so as long as he accepts the fact that my body is not covered in scales.

Ah, if only Saturday night were that scintillating. The Celestial Goddess had us work people over for rum and Scrabble, which for me is the ultimate combination. As I was leaving my apartment that night, I ran into one of my neighbors. She was standing outside smoking, looking a little distraught. She ran over to me as I walked to my car and handed me a scrap of paper with a phone number scrawled on it.

"Hey -- can you do me a big favor? I lost my cell phone in my house somewhere. Can you call this number?"

"Sure, no problem." I waited for her to run inside to her apartment before I called. After the phone rang a few times, she came back out on her porch and waved, holding her phone in her other hand.

I turned around and got in my car. I hadn't even put the key in the ignition when my cell phone rang. It was my neighbor.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hello?" replied my neighbor.

"Hello?" I repeated, very, very confused.

She tersely replied. "Um, yeah, someone just called me from this number and they didn't leave a message...?"

Now, I was even more confused and wondering what exactly she had been smoking when I first saw her (and if she had any to share). "Yeah. I just helped you find your phone."

She giggles. "Oh yeah! I forgot! Thanks!" And we hung up.

What just happened?!? The entire exchange -- from the time I exited my apartment until she called me back -- had taken place over the period of five to six minutes. After she hung up with me, did she really pick up her cell phone, look at the caller ID, and say, "who the fuck just called me"? Wow.

Aside from my concern about the mental stability of my neighbors, I'm worried about my dentist appointment on Thursday. I'm getting a wisdom tooth (yes, just one) removed and I am terrified. The only recurring dream I've ever had has been about my teeth; all of them just fall out at once, and I can feel my naked gums and my teeth rolling around in my mouth. It's horrifying. I've mentioned my fear of flossing before, but it bears repeating: I don't like things probing my teeth and gums. So, I don't know how this is going to go. What I fear is my tiny Chinese dentist telling me that I need to make another appointment to extract the other wisdom tooth that's been giving me problems. I want this experience to be a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing, like watching a total eclipse or paying taxes.

But at least I don't have to work on Friday and I'll have a bottle of Vicodin all to myself. Maybe that can be my new hobby: prescription drug abuse.