I'm like dating a guy but with a better rack and a more sensible car

I'm in the process of a more focused post, but it got too introspective for me -- I got uncomfortable and had to stop. It's things like this that make me such a joy to date. One ex-boyfriend called me "emotionally constipated" (and yet another said I had "daddy issues" and still another one renamed me "man poison." I refer to them as, respectively, "28-year-old who still lives in his parents' basement"; "guy who couldn't spell 'daddy' even if he were assisted by the kids on Sesame Street"; and "dude, I don't even remember dating you").

So, in the middle of the other post, I started asking myself the tough questions ("Why am I here? What am I doing? How can I better eradicate armpit odor?"), and it was hard to answer them, you know, requiring me to think and all. I think that's why I didn't keep a journal all through college: I didn't want to think about the changes I was going through and what course my life would take as a result of those changes. I would rather those things remain unacknowledged, safely bottling up all of that doubt and anxiety inside, away from prying eyes and sun exposure.

What I'm saying is that the post where I explain why I think I'm heading down the wrong path will have to wait until I'm either (1) more comfortable with my feelings (don't hold your breath for that one) or (2) drunk (this would happen tonight as I don't have a 'real' day of work tomorrow, but I'm out of beer and I'm not opening my Washington wine). Speaking of drunk blogging, has anyone read Dooce lately? I dig the pink flamingoes.

What I bring you today I bring you to bring us together. Sometimes I like using a word so often in a sentence that it ceases to have meaning. Below are some other nuggets of goodness that comprise the essence of BPW -- maybe some of these nuggets make up your essence, as well. If you're not too proud (have no shame, whatever), share your nuggets! (No really, share your nuggets. I prefer honey-mustard dipping sauce).

1. I don't make left-hand turns when driving. Notice how I say "don't" instead of "don't like to" -- I really don't make left turns unless I have the benefit of the green arrow. I will drive in circles if need be.

2. Another car-related nugget (this one's more of a morsel): I drive a minivan. In fact, I drove a minivan, handed down to me by my parents, for a few years; it died in December. When I went car shopping, I could have bought any affordable car out there...I chose to buy another minivan.

3. While we're talking about traffic: I never jaywalk due to my (irrational) fear of getting hit by a car.

4. Speaking of irrational fears, I'm terrified of flossing. Once the floss goes in between my teeth, I start to panic that it won't come back out again and it will be stuck there forever. Real panic -- shortness of breath, sweating panic. I also worry that by flossing, I am encouraging giant gaps between all of my teeth.

5. I've mentioned this one before, but it bears repeating: I love Journey. I have Journey in my computer at work; Journey as my ringtone; Journey in my dreams (that's actually not true; I just needed a dramatic closer). Other than them, I do like cool music (since he's been a recurring name this week, check out Seth Walker if you've never heard of him).

6. I'm not really "from" anywhere. Florida is my 11th state.

7. My crappy apartment is so cramped that I use my kayak as a desk.

8. I sold gallons of plasma (my own, don't worry) in college for grocery (read: beer) money. It worked out well: I made $50 a week, got to do my homework while in the chair, and I have cool scars from the needles. Things have gotten so bad that I'm looking for a plasma bank down here for some extra cash. Either I sell plasma again, or I start buying Top Ramen, and I don't think I'm ready to go back to that place yet.

9. I frequently have dreams where all of my teeth are falling out.

10. My B.A. is in Anthropology/Linguistics which explains why I'm so cool and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. But damn can I diagram the hell out of a sentence.

11. I didn't eat meat until I was 20. In college I got drunk at a party, and took a piece of burnt chicken off my friend's grill and devoured it with my bare hands because "it smelled so good, man." I was horribly ashamed when I called my mom that week. I was shocked to learn that she had a dream about pot roast that same week and actually cooked one. We both turned to the dark side.

12. Everywhere I look I see egg cartons: in my living room, in my car, in my office. I horde them for kids' arts & crafts projects at the nature center. Say you're making an egg carton alligator -- that requires two egg cartons per child. Multiply that by the 25 children we would have in a single program, and suddenly you need to be or know someone who has consumed 600 eggs. So, I stockpile egg cartons in order to diminish the pressure of upping my egg consumption.

13. I am a card-carrying member of the NFL -- the National Forensic League (you can also say NFL stands for "Nerd for Life"). I was on the debate team all four years of high school, captain of the team my junior and senior years, and coached high school debate in college.

Thirteen is a good number on which to end this list (13 is also my brother's age, which explains why I don't visit home very often. At least when my sister (who will be 16 on Halloween) and I were 13, we were friendly every so often. JPW, my sister, is a ray of sunshine; I'm kind of afraid of BPW2, my brother. He is now bigger than my dad and the only words I've heard out of him in the past year have been "Yes," "No," "Fine," and "Nothing." A sparkling conversationalist).

In ohter news, I am KICKING MYSELF for not saving the email from the Fish Head Lady! God, how blog-worthy was that? What was I thinking by deleting it? I apologize, I really do.

I'm off to figure out why it is still over 80 degrees in my apartment even though maintenance "fixed" it last week. Although I love sweating in my sleep, I have to be up early tomorrow morning and would prefer not to have to build in extra time in my morning routine to de-slime myself.