I almost lost my left nipple just now
The scratches on my boobs are really not to be believed. Who's that rapper with the claw mark tattoos on her chest? Is it Eve? Whoever it is, she has nothing on what I'm rocking right now.
Hef was not helping me unpack my books (licking me and looking cute while I unpack boxes=helpful; rabbits are fun! chewing on my books and inner arm=not helpful; rabbits are vile hell rodents), so I picked him up to put him in his room (which also functions as my bathroom).
If you don't know much about rabbits, most aren't fond of being picked up and/or carried. Perhaps that is because predators grab ahold of them and carry them away, so maybe these domesticated bunnies feel like they're losing control of their bodies when a person picks them up. For the first few seconds, Hef is okay -- "oh, hey, look at that. I'm not on the ground any more." But then just moments later, he's wildly thrashing about --"I saw Fatal Attraction! I know what's happening here! Unhand me, you evil bitch!"
And that's what happened today. I was wearing a loose-fitting tank top and Hef doesn't so much have claws as he has talons. As he thrashed, his paws -- I like to think of them as daggers of pain -- got caught in my shirt. Had I been wearing a bra, the situation wouldn't be as dire as it is now. But, alas, I have just returned from vacation in granola-mecca Missoula, so bras are the furthest thing from my mind.
These scratches start at the top of my breasts and go all the way down on each one (<-- I like that "all the way down." Sounds like I have a massive rack). Left one sustained some pretty serious areola damage; I have no words for the stinging pain in this area. Right one has scratches all over it -- even close to my armpit. Perhaps I should have labeled this a "Too Much Information" post. Ah, well, if you've read this far, then you obviously have no problem with my nipples.
I'm going to go ice my boobs now. I'd go look for Neosporin, but I think it's in the bathroom with Hef, and I'm afraid to go in there. Now, to me, he looks like that Donnie Darko rabbit. Damn, I really liked the left nipple, too.
Hef was not helping me unpack my books (licking me and looking cute while I unpack boxes=helpful; rabbits are fun! chewing on my books and inner arm=not helpful; rabbits are vile hell rodents), so I picked him up to put him in his room (which also functions as my bathroom).
If you don't know much about rabbits, most aren't fond of being picked up and/or carried. Perhaps that is because predators grab ahold of them and carry them away, so maybe these domesticated bunnies feel like they're losing control of their bodies when a person picks them up. For the first few seconds, Hef is okay -- "oh, hey, look at that. I'm not on the ground any more." But then just moments later, he's wildly thrashing about --"I saw Fatal Attraction! I know what's happening here! Unhand me, you evil bitch!"
And that's what happened today. I was wearing a loose-fitting tank top and Hef doesn't so much have claws as he has talons. As he thrashed, his paws -- I like to think of them as daggers of pain -- got caught in my shirt. Had I been wearing a bra, the situation wouldn't be as dire as it is now. But, alas, I have just returned from vacation in granola-mecca Missoula, so bras are the furthest thing from my mind.
These scratches start at the top of my breasts and go all the way down on each one (<-- I like that "all the way down." Sounds like I have a massive rack). Left one sustained some pretty serious areola damage; I have no words for the stinging pain in this area. Right one has scratches all over it -- even close to my armpit. Perhaps I should have labeled this a "Too Much Information" post. Ah, well, if you've read this far, then you obviously have no problem with my nipples.
I'm going to go ice my boobs now. I'd go look for Neosporin, but I think it's in the bathroom with Hef, and I'm afraid to go in there. Now, to me, he looks like that Donnie Darko rabbit. Damn, I really liked the left nipple, too.
posted by BPDubs at 4:07 PM
2 Comments:
"I'm going to go ice my boobs now"
LOL
I used to be pierced and can honestly say that I have a faint idea what what you are talking about. Actually, I did ice my boobs as well - and that hurt too. :( Therefore, I am no longer pierced and I'm sure that your nipples will heal too. Is that okay to say?
This is hilarious! I have missed out on your blog over the past month (have gotten behind on ALL the blogs I read), and it was great to return on a day when you had this hilarious post up. Have given up all hope of catching up on what I have missed, but I will be back to reading you every day. Love this post. Bad bunny.
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