I thought I had an original idea until I saw Grey's Anatomy last Sunday. Damn you, Grey's Anatomy...damn you...

It occurred to me today while walking Foxy that perhaps I've dated too many guys. This thought popped into my mind as Foxy and I ran into an ex of mine in a park near the house I'm house-sitting; for the last two weeks, I haven't been able to walk ten feet without running into someone who has seen me naked. A high number of naked-BPW-seers brings a fair amount of drama. Take the picture below for example:

This picture was taken, unbeknownst (<--I've never typed that word before; it looks weird) to me, during my last night in Fort Myers. This is my bar -- I probably spent as much time there as I did at work. It's sad, I know, but Fort Myers is a sad place; that's why I'm not there any more!

Anyhow, check out my friends in this photo. The girl and I look like we go out all the time, right? Like we're tight tequila buddies? Funny thing about her...I've been dumped for her...twice...by the same guy. I can't even begin to explain all the stuff that went on between me and Toe Sucker (the dumper in question) in the last two months, so I'm not going to. I'll just say that he's one of my best friends now -- definitely one of the weirdest/healthiest/most painful breakups I've had. When I saw his girl at the bar the last night I was around, I figured that I had two choices:

1. Be the bitchy jilted ex.

2. Make a new friend.

For a little while, I tried to be bitter, but it's just not my style and, dude, I just so do not have the energy for that. Toe Sucker always said that she and I would be really good friends had we not had the weird connection to him standing in the way. So, on my last night, I decided to make our weird connection to Toe Sucker my connection to her, and we talked, cleared the air, shared some tequila, and exchanged phone numbers. I certainly did not think on my last night in Fort Myers that I would be standing in the parking lot of my favorite bar with Toe Sucker's girlfriend telling me that I could spend the night at her place if I needed to (my furniture was long gone on it's cross-country journey by this point; I ended up staying at Toe Sucker's again, as I had all week; we really do have a complex relationship).

Yeah, so I'm sure none of that made sense to you or was the least bit interesting. It's just been a big part of what's been going on with me lately. I surprised myself with the girl situation...I was a big person. It hurt to be dropped again for her, but I understood. Toe Sucker dumped me because he fell in love with her within an hour of meeting her. When they had their falling out a few months ago and he and I started seeing each other again, I liked him more than I did the first time. Something about him had changed, and I realized that it had to do with her...she made him a better person. So, I can't be mad at her. And I can't be mad at him -- who am I to stand in the way of true love? They both want to visit me in Missoula and I really hope they do.

So, there's a dude in the picture, too. That, friends, is Traveling Man. Yes, the Traveling Man, he of the recreational Viagra use. The last time I had seen him was January, when I stormed out of his hotel at six in the morning because I was so annoyed with him, with me, with the whole pathetic "relationship." Strangely, that was the same night Toe Sucker and his girl split up.

I had not heard a peep from Traveling Man until my last afternoon in Fort Myers. I was busy laying tile in my bathroom (which turned out awesomely, by the way. If you have a pet rodent destroy your vinyl floors, give me a call. I will hook you up), when my phone made the little "You have a text message" sound. I figured it would be Toe Sucker, but much to my surprise it was the traveler, asking if I still lived in Fort Myers.

I was greatly amused by him suddenly reappearing. In the preceding days, I had been spending a great deal of time with The Ex-Boyfriend (you know, the one I loved for way too long), and, though, I loved hanging out with him, I didn't want to get intimate at all...which is weird for me. I'm right back to where I was a few months ago, pre-Toe Sucker: I don't want to be close to anyone or care about anyone. So, it was fitting that the traveler would drop in --- he's someone I definitely don't care about, but who could, uh, satisfy my needs.

I let him know that it was my last night in town and that I would be heading down to the beach with a friend. He said he would meet me there and he did eventually appear with our mutual friend. I was chatting with her, asking her if she had ever gotten involved with him. The traveler is the kind of guy who has girls stashed all over the place. Since we weren't monogamous or serious by any means, I didn't really care about his dealings outside of Fort Myers.

The mutual friend made a face when I asked her that question. "Ewww! No way!" she exclaimed. Her response didn't really surprise me, until she added, "I don't know...married guys don't really do it for me."

?????

After I finished choking on my drink, I asked her to explain.

"What? You didn't know he's married? How did that not come up in the last few months?"

Well, gee, having sex in the Gulf of Mexico probably wasn't the best time for him to say, "Hey, have I told you about my wife?"

Then our mutual friend added a little icing to her revelation: "Yeah, he's married to another volleyball player. They have two kids."

Kids??? The 30-year-old who takes Viagra for fun and has sex with strangers in the ocean has kids???

I was already on the fence about hooking up with him on my last night, but this news sealed it. I was going to have fun with him. String him along, be a tease, play the player.

It. Was. Awesome.

I like how he's glaring at me in the picture up there. That was before I flat out said, "Gee, I'm tired. Thanks for coming out, but I think I'm going to bed." He caught on to me and congratulated me on stringing him along all night. I then told him that he was the worst husband ever. He agreed.

I had no idea that rejecting sex could be so empowering. I think I'm on to something new here. I think I need a break from men for a little while. And that is why I have vowed the following:

I will not have sex again until I learn how to knit a pair of socks.

You heard it here first. No sex, just knitting. I have several projects going and I've promised a scarf to Toe Sucker's girlfriend. I need to get these things done, man. Plus, I have no socks, and awesome as Missoula is, it is farking cold. I need me some socks.

Knitting can't be nearly as dramatic as dating.